I woke up this morning and just felt... bigger. I was gettin..
🕑 Added 2023-11-15 16:57:09 +0000 UTC
I woke up this morning and just felt... bigger. I was getting frustrated while trying to get a pair of tights on to wear under a dress, so I took a minute to collect myself and sat down in front of my big mirror.
It's crazy how much has changed. It all started out so slow... from fit, to average, and then just a little chubby. I enjoyed that stage for a while, foolishly telling myself I'd never pass 180.
But then the larges got tighter, XLs entered the chat, and I wasn't really paying attention and blew past 200. I just kept eating. I kept growing.
Before I knew it I was well into the 200s. It was the pandemic so I was home a lot and didn't really realize how bad it was getting. So lazy. I was wearing sweats daily and didn't feel myself outgrowing my clothes as fast as I actually was.
I re-entered the world real big, bigger than I ever wanted. And ever since the number has continued to climb. I just can't stop stuffing my fat face. It seems like very few months, we add an additional X to the sizes of my clothing. My pace continues to get slower and more winded. I waddle now, no matter what. I've grown fat from every angle, every view point.
I've tried so many times to just slow it down a bit. To just enjoy where I'm at. But I can't. I continue to stuff myself. I can't stop. I foolishly tell myself I won't get too much bigger until after I get pregnant yet the pounds keep piling on and lately, for the first time ever, I have the stretch marks to prove it.
I know exactly what my future looks like, though sometimes it's hard to admit. I am going to continue to fatten myself up inevitably until the point where I don't leave my bed most days. Eventually, I'll be completely in submission to my obesity and gluttony. This belly has always ruled my world, but as the years have gone on I've lost more and more control. My ability to resist is becoming less and less.
Every day I wake up and feel crazier. Crazed for food. Insatiable. Fucking obsessed. It's all I think about. Sometimes it's not even about the food, I just want to be full. I just want to be in bed. I just want to be a blob. I feel insane. Maybe we're all insane because you're all right here with me enabling it. We can't resist. The instant gratification of watching this belly stretch and grow every day is like a high that we can't get enough of. I think we all know my fate.
Those are my morning thoughts. Enjoy :)
