I had a moment last night that changed me and I feel like I ..
🕑 Added 2022-09-08 17:10:27 +0000 UTC
I had a moment last night that changed me and I feel like I need to share it with you all.
I was getting dressed to head out to dinner. I ordered so many cute little dresses for this trip.. I was so excited to wear one in particular. I saved it specifically for last night because we were going out to my favorite restaurant in the world.
I had ordered it in a 3X from Fashionnova. Last time I was here in April I was wearing 2X's.. but I knew I'd need to size up this time. A 3X is always a little snug on my belly.. but it always zips without issues.
But not this dress. It certainly did not fit. I was so caught off guard - I expected it to fit me. After all, it's a 3X. But it didn't stand a chance and I had to figure something else out. I cycled through every dress in my suitcase. I tried them all on and nothing was working for me. It all was either too tight or didn't fit me in a way that was modest enough to wear in public with family.
Feeling frustrated and a little defeated - I sat down on the edge of the bed. Across from me was a mirror. I was looking down.. scrolling my phone.. trying to think of what to do and what the heck I was going to wear.
But then I looked up and my eyes immediately went to my middle. My stomach. My massive fucking GUT.
In that moment I realized how enormous I am now. How big I've grown. Bigger than ever. I can't put into words what I saw in that moment. The sheer size of my belly forming a massive single roll across my midsection as I sat there bursting out of a dress that would have fit me only a few weeks ago.
I stared at myself for so long in awe of what I've become. I move so fast from job to job and task to task throughout my days at home that I never really stop and spend much time inspecting myself. It was the first time in a long time that I really sat and looked at myself.
I am BIG now. Like big big. I have a huge fucking gut on an otherwise pretty petite body. It's bold, deliberate, and a spectacle in every way. There is no outfit I can wear that could ever hid the fact that I am a food addicted glutton.
For some, a moment like that may have served as a wake up call to slow down a bit. But not me. Nope. I kept the too-tight dress on and went to dinner where I devoured a paella dinner for 2 (all for me) and got so stuffed that our waiter had to help me up out of my seat after.
No turning back. Ever.
