emmastarseed
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Hi y’all ♥️ I still can’t muster the energy for much right n..
🕑 Added 2020-10-06 00:51:31 +0000 UTC Hi y’all ♥️ I still can’t muster the energy for much right now. Long story short, I was supposed to be leaving on a road trip to Texas in 2 days. I was going to farm-sit for family, and bring my 13-yr-old Beagle on my trip back to the PNW. However, her health took a dramatic turn. It’s been a really hard, rollercoaster of emotions for the last day and a half. We thought we were gonna lose her. I’ve made the hard decision to cancel my road trip altogether, and fly back to be with her. Her health is too fragile to travel at this point, but holding hope it can happen during the holidays if she improves. It’s just too hard to know, but I want to have hope. I moved across the country 2 years ago (mostly for my own health and access to better holistic care) and couldn’t bring her with me at the time. Things were too uncertain, and I was moving into an apartment (with no yard, surrounded by concrete; plus, she’s a beagle and doesn’t do well in apartment spaces - been there, tried that in college). So I’ve been working hard to set up a situation where I can safely move her, with minimal stress, into a home with a safe, fenced in yard. I luckily live in a house with all that now, but the timing is proving to be tricky, and continues to be as she ages. Sometimes the aging process seemingly happens so quick 🥺. Facing her mortality has been one of my harder lessons. We are so intertwined and connected, I just... want to do all in my power to spend as much time with her, with whatever time she has left. My sweet Bella has been with me for my entire adulthood. She stayed with my parents as I ventured off to college, she moved in with me when I started my first job. She took care of me when I got sick and moved back with family to heal complex chronic illness. She saw me off when I began my next adventure, more healed than I ever imagined being. And I promised her each visit back, I was working hard to bring her with me soon. I’m struggling with this sudden change. But I am learning to be in my power, not force. To learn to flow, adapt, adjust. I am tired of swimming against currants. For anyone who has dealt with illness, you may know that feeling well, too. My approach to life has changed, but that doesn’t mean it comes naturally. I am doing my very best to show up every day authentically - for all the people in my life. I’m also trying to take space when I need it. So ♥️ thanks for understanding that I’ve been going through my own stuff that greatly impacts my ability to be here and present.
