September/Camp Emma has been an incredible month. I'm going ..
🕑 Added 2020-10-01 00:39:33 +0000 UTC
September/Camp Emma has been an incredible month. I'm going to finish in MFC Top 20 for the first time (maybe even Top 10!), and I've surpassed my sub-count goal for the month here on OnlyFans. My rank-run/Camp Emma project (and the overall commitment to my work this month) has had several ups and downs. On one hand I've been creating amazing, high-quality, authentic-to-self work that I'm proud of. I got to hire one of my best friends to help me shoot. I met a new model-friend, @zeta_bb, and made beautiful photosets and videos together. And now, we have an emerging friendship, that seemingly occurred at the right (unexpected) time. I shot in the beautiful Pacific Northwest - from the Oregon Coast to Whidbey Island, WA -- to even creating the Camp Emma set in my own backyard. I designed + created merch I'm sincerely so proud of. I showed up consistently on stream - for the right reasons - and took breaks when I needed, even when there was a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to push through (which isn't always a good thing!) So instead, I listened to my body. I followed my heart. And I showed up for myself in all the ways I said I was going to. I also had a lot of personal things come up that made life tough to navigate. The West Coast wildfires not only derailed my plans and kept me locked indoors for 10 days, but contributed to a significant health flare. And as I made my focus *me,* some of my friendships struggled with the new boundaries. Putting yourself first is a means of survival. It doesn't have to be selfish. It's an important part of inner work, empowerment, and growth. But no one warns you how lonely the journey can be. I am a dedicated friend, and will contort myself in unhealthy ways to make people happy -- but that's *not* sustainable. And what I craved was to see what I could accomplish if I focused on myself - so I set the intention to balance my own divine feminine (be in my creative flow) and masculine (provide necessary structure) energies to see what I could manifest, and found inspiration in places that nurtured my spirit. Percentiles and ranks (etc) are numbers, yes. It doesn't determine our worth as models (or our skill, talent, or dedication) - and it can be a slippery slope if you're not keeping yourself in balance. In my two years of somewhat 'consistent' camming, I've learned a lot. I have failed; I've lost and made friendships; I've had my boundaries pushed and violated. But I've never given up on this life. After all, I am a creator. I create my life, my reality. So here I am today, feeling overwhelmed with all the feelings, and all the support + love this community has offered me. Once the air began to clear in the PNW, I booked this magical cabin so I could create for you all and re-ground my energy amongst nature. To say it was a time-crunch is an understatement. There's a part 2 to this, but I felt like sharing this with you, no pay-wall etc. Please tip here or MFC if you'd like/enjoy it. It was a lot of work, but oh-so-worth it. | "Summer love ends. And I still can't let you go. I still won't let you go." |
