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Last night I experienced a new first, and incredible powerfu..
🕑 Added 2023-09-12 15:23:20 +0000 UTC Last night I experienced a new first, and incredible powerful first. I cried after an orgasm. In our value to be completely transparent with you I want to share this story ♥️ because at the end of the day we are real people who experience real things. Friday I had therapy, and this therapy session was a really tough one. Like ripping an old scab wide open and not having a bandaid for it, I felt as though I lost my power. I was exhausted, from reliving old trauma, from saying the quite part out loud, feeling angry, sad, and embarrassed. Then Saturday I jumped back into an old toxic habit- of work obsession. At times when I feel overwhelmed in life I completely surround myself in work, I feel as though my value is only in my work or helping people, and Saturday I ended up working 14 hours. Exhausting myself and becoming short and snippy, even crying twice that day from things either crashing or not working well- joys of working with technology. Sunday I woke up exhausted, still just drained emotionally and mentally, still sad and embarrassed, and now feeling guilty because I am not aroused. Sunny would never make me feel bad about not being horny, but this is a pressure I put on myself at times. Sunday after our concert instead of playing like we love to do I jut passed out, I could hardly stay awake. Monday I woke up and had a 5 hour appointment and when I got home, again I just felt absolutely exhausted. I didn't feel close to Sunny, I didn't let myself feel close to him, I didn't feel like I should talk about my feelings, I didn't feel like I should ask for help, I didn't feel like I should inconvenience him, I just didn't feel. I am so good about just putting my head down and just grinding, but literally we created this life so that I could do the opposite for the first time. I have had partners in the past who didn't want to hear about it, who would emotionally b1ackmail me when I became vulnerable, would say I was nagging or complaining if I wanted to talk about a long day, I was trained that asking for help would cause me harm and was trained that no one wanted to hear about my troubles. All things Sunny is being very patient about as I work through, and all things that Sunny is here for as my best friend! Last night at bedtime I again just rolled over wanting to just escape these feelings and sadness, but Sunny asked "would it be okay if I masturbated." And I said of course, of course it is, even if I am not feeling like sex you should always have space for pleasure and I am here for it. I rolled over as he was playing with himself and without saying anything just touched his chest, listening to him play and feel pleasure I started to rub my hands up and down his legs. putting pressure on his leg crease, on the base of his cock, his taint by his prostate. Just being here physically for him to help him feel good. Helping him feel so much pleasure, literally by just participating turned me on so much. Watching and helping him cum made my pussy start to throb. After he came I held him, kissed him, and he thanked me. When he got up to clean up I asked if he could grab my vibrator, it looked like it felt so good that I wanted to try it. At first my body was resistant, but then I gave myself permission to feel good. As I held my favorite vibrator in place Sunny asked if he could help, of course I said yes. He started to finger me slowly, applying pressure in one spot in my pussy and then another, and other. He gave me words of praise, calling me a good girl, telling me to just feel, telling me he loved me and I was safe. My body started just grinding into his hand, helping to massage my own G-spot. Just focusing on my breathing, my body just moved naturally in ways that made me feel so good, forgetting all of those feelings of shame from the past 4 days. He moved from a constant pressure to a consistent in and out of two fingers, and then three, and I felt so much pleasure just building in my body. Breathing into my pleasure, into his hands, I just released. My body started shaking, shaking, and shaking against his hand now just cupping and holding my pussy as I came. This full body orgasm was so incredibly intense. So much emotional energy over the past 4 days being released, my inner dialogue in my head saying "I didn't deserve to feel pleasure," but my partner being there to say "fuck that, I've got you babe." And in that moment of pleasure, of being held, of my partner just holding a body that he helped me make feel so good, during a time that I felt I didn't deserve it, I just started crying. Just to acknowledge that part of me from the past, the part of me that truly does deserve love, crying to give myself grace when internally things get really hard, crying because I have a partner who truly does love me, just crying. It isn't easy being human, it isn't easy to living without shame in a world that is so full of shame, it isn't easy to be kind to ourselves, and at times it isn't easy to heal from wounds of our past. But I want you to know that in those moments of fear, shame, sadness, that you deserve pleasure, you deserve love, and you have so much worth. As your friend I will always do my best to be here for you in those moments, to remind you how incredible you are, and how much love you truly deserve. Love you, Skye
