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Holy moly I feel like this last week and a half was entirely..
🕑 Added 2023-03-10 06:03:16 +0000 UTC Holy moly I feel like this last week and a half was entirely a dream lol. I experienced a similar situation after a very busy five days up in northern Manitoba. By the end of it, I was so wired and overflowing with experiences and thoughts and memories that I couldn’t calm down for like a week lol. I often feel this way for a day or so after being on a set as well. I couldn’t sleep at all last night and have been on the go all day today. I did end up getting a last minute therapy session this evening and I’m glad to have had that time to empty some of my thoughts. I try to keep the more problematic things to the professional, and the better stuff for my videos here lol. For example in this session it was noted that I reacted to the thought of my own demise VERY casually. Even though I am actively pursuing to live the biggest life I can, there’s never been a fear of death. I’ve been aware of my own mortality for quite some time now ( I remember being car seat aged, and taken to the emergency room in rush hour traffic by my auntie while I was hacking on a chicken bone). Some people live because they are afraid of death. Some people die because they are afraid of life. But being the way I am, which is fearless, neither the case really applied and I sort of view life and death with indifference. I’ll do as good as I can in whichever state I currently find myself. Being fearless is not a brag. People often ask how I can camp and explore alone, I must be so brave. But I try to explain in a way I hope isn’t sounding overconfident or condescending. I grew up in this lifestyle, and I am confident in my skills, and aware of my weaknesses. I am also bipolar lol. The lack of fear is a personality flaw. It’s only brave if you feel scared and do it anyway, it’s not brave if you’re just standing up against nothing that bothers you because you can’t mentally connect with that emotion. It actually leads to quite dumb choices sometimes lol. But I have also been struggling with my period the last day and feeling quite painful and contemplative. I am looking forward to posting a video tomorrow and breaking down how everything went on my trip. Have a great sleep 💤
